And in the daylight

My favorite song right now- I'm in love.

Probably.

It would probably be a good idea to start gathering some flashlights since it is storming like crazy outside. Who knows what tonight will bring... probably a power outage. And maybe some basement flooding? Oh goodie.

Sorry I can't upload photos, guys, it probably makes this blog a little dull but I'm working on it.

My hands are cramped and sore from writing so much... I am constantly stretching them out.
Sometimes, I get really bored with the internet, but then I remember how big it is and I get excited, its so funny. I could nod off any minute now - exciting internet or not. I still have stuff to do though... it seems my work is never done. Oh well. It pushes you along to always have stuff to do, which is good.

Tonight I still need to bake a chocolate cake for my friends birthday tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be good and look nice too, 'cause that's always a plus.

Here Goes Nothin'

I get butterflies in my stomach whenever I listen to this song. I love music so much. Its the only thing that will bring me a joy when I really need to get a career, I think. I am so eager to change its funny. I want to be better.. I told someone that once and they said "Whats wrong with you?" and I didn't know. I think deep down I do, I think it just has to be the right circumstance and it will come out.

This computer is falling apart, I can't even upload pictures anymore! I can't download ANYTHING! What. Am. I. Going. To. Do. Without. MUSIC. I mean I download some every day, its my medicine. I don't know whats going to happen if I don't take it.

Today was too long. I was everything I don't want to be. Needy, insecure, weak, annoying, intense, jealous, everything. I just can't do this anymore. I need to rethink everything.

This time .

I woke up today, felt light headed, blasted some music, and then peaceably ate a piece of homemade apple pie while watching Spongebob.

The pie was my breakfast, so I gotta remember this. 3 light meals a die, 2 small snacks. I can do it, I hope.

You know what I want to do? I want to run in a triathlon. I want to learn to play the drums. I want to get a professional camera and take up photography. That's what I want to do. I could maybe do 1 of the 3, since my Mom's a little stubborn sometimes. (Did I say a little? I mean quite a lot.)

Something's Scraping Behind The Wall...

Its pouring rain outside. I want to stand out there and have it wash everything negative away. But me, being me, won't do that. Because I'm me.



And now, I can't stand this. This eating thing. God, when will I ever stop? What's wrong with me? That's the question I always ask myself. I'm not going to go out there and get help, from you know, a therapist or something. I guess I'll have to help myself, like I always do.

Music has always helped me through... well everything, and its one of my good allies.




Wait, wait, wait,

what is this motivation and where can I get some?

Right?

You gotta start out new, right? I have to tell you, I just deleted all my old posts.

It's weird looking back on all that old stuff and seeing a whole different person. I've changed a lot. But a lot of stuff about me has stayed the same. I'm sort of a straight edge. I've never had an alcoholic drink, done drugs, or smoked. I still play it safe too. I guess that's okay. For now anyways. People tell me I'm to young to start trouble.

I'm kind of pretentious, too.